My kind spirit

Days like today I know how my heart hurts. I know how child like I have been.
My kind spirit has been torn into pieces. Why must I charade that I love him when I dont? I love you and long for your love knowing I will never have it. I must give up eventually.

Loss

The loss of anyone by death, love rejected and just stepping away is always painful. Morning loss dosen’t meam we are weak. It just means that we are human. Losing someone is very difficult. You are losing a part of you and that is OK.

Just trouble 2

I almost threw you out! You are more trouble than you are worth. I cant stsnf you. But I stay for my teenage children? Can I do this for 5 more years? Please please….passive death wish could not happen sooner. I want happiness and peace. I have neither.

Just trouble

His name is Just Trouble

He is my husband of 21 years.

He has been just trouble since I met him.

I have made forever vows

Til death I do part.

I will make it work with all my heart.

Goodbye kind soul

Today I said goodbye to you forever my love. My kind soul. I will never forget you. But I must go on for the greater good of me. You moved on when you told me to take care. I have to force myself. I have a broken heart that will never heal.

Bittersweet

You are sweet

He is bitter.

You are a treat

He is crazy.

I thought that you would be the man in my life,

The man of my dreams,

And me be your wife.

In reality I was a joke

All you wanted was a super hard poke.

Glad I didnt have a chance to be a slut

I just wish I could stop loving you from my gut.

I will stay with him

To keep the peace

But wish for you

In my sleep.

Kind soul

You are a kind soul. You are a blessing. I am so glad that I can still know what you are doing. I am not part of your life but you will always be part of mine. You are a dream that I know will never come true. I can still dream and think of you. I find comfort in knowing you are still alive. My kind soul.

painful

When I see your picture it brings it all back.

I want you out of my head and my heart.

How can I have such feelings for you?

You still have a power over me that I cannot let go.

I didn’t even really know you.

There was something magical about you.

You have this influence that is painful.

I wonder if you knew it would make a difference.

I am sure you wouldn’t care.

 

you told me

You told me I was nice.

I was.

You told me I was funny.

I was.

You told me this was cool.

It was.

You told me I was pretty.

I am.

You told me we’d be friends.

I was.

You told me you needed my help.

I did.

You told me to meet you.

I drove.

You told me to text you if I was sad.

I did.

You told me to be grateful.

I was.

You told me to have boundaries.

I did not.

You told me that we could not come back from that.

I did.

You told me not to contact you.

I won’t.

 

matter

Did it ever really matter?

Did you ever really care?

Was it just a game for you or

Really just a crazy dare?

I think about you often

But not for lust or fame.

I think about your often

Because you were a flame.

I really wished I mattered,

I really wished you cared.

I wished you’d reconsider,

Before I disappear.